are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
