she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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