I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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