Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize