i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Let's paint friendship bongs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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