Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
