im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize