Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
