my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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