Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
