I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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