Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
