It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
