haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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