nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize