I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
