We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
