In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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