Fuck appropriateness.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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