I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
