I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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