I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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