I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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