He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
