idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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