I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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