ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize