I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
