Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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