I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
