when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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