Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
