The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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