i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
