Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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