Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
