I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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