my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
