oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
