Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
