When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
