Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
