I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
