I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
