when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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