it glows. i had to have it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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