You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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