ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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