I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
