It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My bed smells like the plague
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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