wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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