If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize