Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
