I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
