I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize