Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
