it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize