At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
