I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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