Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
