I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize