No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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