he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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