i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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