i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
