so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
