There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
