This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
